Status

So my facebook has changed radically in the last two weeks. I went from in a relationship to single to the ever dreaded, "It's Complicated". But the truth is.... the situation is complicated. Brentt and I have gone through a whirlwind of emotions - a 15 year marriage and divorce condensed into two months - with the real drama erupting the last three weeks.

As many who know me already know, I love the boy. I can't help it. He and I are good for each other. Yet these last three weeks or so have been trying on my emotions. Every night as I run into my closet after midnight to talk to him (to avoid involving my mother or her hearing my conversation and trying to interrupt it) I sit in the same spot, pace in the same 4x4 narrow walk way I cleared, I'm reminded that I'm not sleeping next to him. I'm reminded that I'm not watching him bump his head on the ceiling on his way into our twin bed frame paradise. I'm reminded that he's not chasing me on a scooter or pulling me away from Erica. I'm reminded that things aren't - nor will they ever be the same.

This might be a really good thing for us though - at least that's what I continue to tell myself. It would be good to see the world without my heart longing to see it with him. It might be wonderful to kiss a few random guys, flirt with a kid from Bahrain, or dance seductively with a Persian. I might like drinking again and can smoke my Hooka without judgement. It'll be good right? Uh whatever. To admit that I'll be okay with some other girl pushing up on what's mine is so far from the truth the devil himself would be outdone! There ain't no way in heaven nor hell that I'm just going to tread quietly as someone else sucks up all my goodies (and no that wasn't a sexual reference but if it makes you happy...) I'll be damned if some little hussy in C-Mont decided to take a stab at him - see if they can woo him into their poison bossom. OKAY maybe I'm taking this a little far but you get the point.

That is the young man I love! Yeah I wrote it and I mean it in that: I want to kill you; I hate that I feel this way; You make me sick; oh don't look at me like that; you rock my world; look at him walk; hmph hmph hmph; boy I want to sop you up with a butter biscuit; la la la la la la la (like Jill); oooo this feels so nice - kinda love.

Ladies I'm telling you I got a good one. But if this one messes up I got a laundry list of other ones to go through - but don't think that gives you permission to step to what I done already put my flag on and lit a fire under!