The End of an Era

It's my last summer at home and it feels weird.

I feel like I'm trapped between to places and can't find my footing anywhere. Quarter life crisis, that's what my brother said they were called. Uncertainty, ambiguity reign, applications, deadlines, endless cups of black tea chai and papers fill your days. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The other day I called up my homie freaking out cause I have no idea what I want to do after school. And I'm the "sure" one. I've always been the friend that has things all planned out, but this time I have no idea. Well all I have are freakin' ideas. No real plans, no real burning desires for anything. I just know I'm not ready to go to work and no it's not because of the economy or anything - honestly I was in Egypt when that whole "the economy" thing began. I'm not belittling it, but it took people 12-18months to realize we were in a recession and I'm like spare me the drama and deal.

Anyway, so yeah I am freaking out currently about everything from marriage and people all around me getting engaged (um scary people) and fellowship application due dates on September 1st, grad schools flooding my mail box (albeit I signed up for constant updates), and my mother questioning me about post grad health insurance. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh what to do?

I don't think I'm afraid or anything, I just have so many options and there are very few places I wouldn't go. For instance chilling at a beach resort on the coast of Honduras living, bar tending and learning to cook native dishes/Honduran slang sounds AMAZINGLY APPEALING! I can't even tell you how thankful I would be for the tan, the peace, the challenge, and the ability to make great drinks for perpetuity! But then again how often would I see my family? Is that really a concern? What would I be doing besides chilling? How am I setting myself up for success in the future by basking in the sun in Honduras? Then the answers are:

1. Attain fluency in Spanish
2. Learn how to cook and operate in diverse environments
3. Meet contacts of people who would attend resorts (moneyfied folk)
4. Freelance and report on Honduras for small news services and get my journalism credentials up
5. Volunteer and have an unusual resume for grad school

Then again if I want to work in the Middle East/Northern Africa and become fluent in Arabic I can't see how being away from the language for a year will really do me any good. Then again I could go to a critical language academy in Morocco and combine languages and throw some French in the mix, but who's going to pay for it? Fulbright would fund me in Egypt, I could get into ALI or CASA and not worry and chill in Egypt, get to know Ezzedine Choukri better and pick his brain, become really familiar with the country and pick up on more of the cultural aspects which would be killer cool. Then, I could go to grad school and have a Master's Degree at 23 = bad ass but no experience and more books and I would have nothing too compelling to add. Then there's the work option but where, for what, for whom, and for how long before office work drives me crazy? I can't even want that. I just can't.

Finally Raheem DeVaughn came up on my ipod! Yes jammin smooth tunes as I write this.

Back on topic, there are just so many different ways my world could turn. I could be teaching in Japan this time next year or singing songs in some pub in Ireland. Really, the freedom is invigorating and unnerving at the same time. I am praying for guidance and know that God will direct me where I need to be in due time, however right now I gotta make sure I take the right steps that will set me up for success. Staying prayed up is one step that I need to firmly get a handle on.

My last summer at home. My last summer at home as a student. I mean I'll be a student for the rest of life - in fact my mom's going back to school in the fall for her job and she already has a Master's Degree - but you know what I mean. I'm growing up and that too is unnerving. It's getting late and I need to head to sleep but trust there will be many more of these posts coming.

If you have any suggestions for me and what I should do with my life let me know!

Luvs